oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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