tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
May the power of my ass compel you!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
