I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
from now on my penis is your penis
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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