gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
