So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize