It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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