I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
