how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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