Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
