that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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