Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
