yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
