Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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