We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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