My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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