i need an iv and a liver transplant
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
