4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He did a backflip because drugs
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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