It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
