accomplished twins. life is a go
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
