He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
