You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
