I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
