it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
