my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize