Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
