I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Congratulations! We have a period
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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