Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
