He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
