Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
