I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
