They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
