I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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