I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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