Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
