You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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