why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
