You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
