i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
