just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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