why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
