maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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