Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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