Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
