just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize