I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
