She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
