So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
