I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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