Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
