So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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