i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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