You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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