ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
