Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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