The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize