why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
