K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
