he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
