I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
